The Bad Seed
IndieInk, Whatnot Comments (2)
This week’s installment of the IndieInk Writing Challenge was submitted by Marian and it threw me for a loop, despite the fact that it seems perfectly innocuous on the surface:
Just when you sat down to enjoy your favorite meal, she walked in.
See? It seems so simple. So inncocent. And yet…..not really. Prepare to be underwhelmed. Gird your loins for underwhelming!
My challenge this week fell to Kiki.
Having just sat down after slaving over a hot grill, the napkin appropriately snapped through the air and placed in the lap, she walked in and so it began:
Her: What’s that?
Me: It’s filet mignon.
Her: That sounds stupid.
Me: It tastes better than it sounds.
Her: What’s that other stuff? It looks goopy.
Me: Mashed sweet potatoes. They’re supposed to be good for y…
Her: It looks like poop! You’re eating poop! Why are you eating poop?
Me: It’s not poop. Haven’t you ever had sweet potatoes?
Her: No. Why would I? They look like poop? What are those green things?
Me: Asparagus.
Her: OH! THEY MAKE YOUR PEE SMELL!
Me: Not always. You see, it’s genetic. Not everyone has the ge….
Her: *dancing around the table, pointing her finger at me* STINKY PEE! EATING POOP!
Me: Sweet, Jesus. Would you please sto…
Her: JESUS LOVES ME THIS I KNOW FOR THE BIBLE TELLS ME SO LITTLE ONES TO HIM BELONG THEY ARE WEAK BUT HE IS STRONG YES JE……
Me: ENOUGH!
Her: Why are you yelling? Don’t you like Jesus?
Me: I’m not yelling. I have no issue with Jesus. I just want to eat.
Her: Jesus can’t eat anymore. Know why?
Me: Why.
Her: He’s dead.
Me: …
Her: What’s that stuff in that weird looking glass?
Me: Red w….
Her: It looks like oil. This is the worst meal ever. Poop. Stinky pee sticks. Meat. And oil.
Me: Where’s your mother?
Her: She told me to go find you. She thinks you’re the best uncle ever and she said I should spend more time with you. Also, she says I make her drink. Sometimes she weeps openly.
Me: Shocking. Have you eaten yet?
Her: I had funyuns, a pepsi, and two pop tarts. Look what I can do!
Me: Stop standing on your head. Look, just have a seat and I’ll b…
Her: Uh oh.
Me: What’s wroOOOH MY GOD GET TO THE BATHROOM!
Satan: It’s OK. I feel better now.
Sir @ August 11, 2011
And it’s for this reason that I never eat pumpkin pie… it’s really poop pie.
Poop pie with nutmeg.
[...] Runaway Sentence challenges Sir: The Bad Seed [...]