The Perils of Using Conditioner While Thinking About Science and/or Cupcakes
Let’s say you take a shower and, because you care about your hair even though it’s never particularly cared about you, post-shampoo conditioning occurs. It’s a rare thing, this conditioning step. You generally don’t do it, but recently figured, ‘Huh’, and started engaging in such frivolity because variety is the spice of life and a stitch in time saves nine and you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make a silk purse out of its ear and so on. So, you find yourself in the shower thinking about science or cupcakes or monkeys in lab coats throwing cupcakes at people, as they do. Some of your most profound ideas make themselves known in the shower, so it’s no surprise that the hamster’s running with a particular vigor this morning, nor should it matter because paying attention in the shower is unnecessary at your advanced age. You’ve done it before, is what I’m saying. No surprises.
Now let’s say that later on, post-shower, you’re pouring yourself another cup of sweet, life-giving coffee and you just happen to glance at your reflection in the cabinet door’s glass and you notice that your hair looks a little greasy. Taking into account that this isn’t the 50s and that you aren’t The Fonz or Dobie Gillis (aside from being a greasy-headed voyeur, his show was also sponsored by the silhouettes of two grownups making out in front of their child while a disembodied voice spoke about the virtues of cake….it was a different time), you begin to actively retrace that morning’s activity. Woke up. Gym. Run. Dog walking. Shower. Then maybe this last one causes an invisible cartoon light bulb to flicker above your head, followed by a series of events: Curse openly, strip, engage shower, rinse rinse rinse, dry dry dry, re-clothe, finish pouring coffee in annoyed disgust at carelessness while considering that perhaps Alzheimer’s research would be a more appropriate calling.
Has that ever happened to you? Yeah, me neither.
Sir @ May 5, 2010
On more than one occasion, my husband has had to shower twice because he forgot to either wash his hair or wash his skin because he was distracted by thinking about cycling races (he used to ride but now spends most of his summer mornings in his boxers on the couch eating cookies and watching the Tour de France).
I’ve done this – I just stick my head under the sink and rinse away. It’s too much trouble to strip, wait for the hot water to get hot, mix to warm, get in, rinse, dry, and re-clothe.
alternately, you could just step outside and use the hose. It’d give your neighbors something to talk about.
Heh, you said “strip.” I am five.
Oh, so “thinking about science” is what you kids these days call it?
Don’t think about science too much or you’ll go blind.
Ha ha …what Mouse said!
Finally! The lyric finally makes sense: “…blinded me with science.” I get it now.
I figured you more for a “shower karaoke” sort of guy……a soapy Gordon Lightfoot, if you will.
? If you could read my mind ? What a tale my thoughts could tell ?
J: It does happen from time to time. Hopefully he now finds time to shower properly in between stages and Chips Ahoy! refills.
Bob: The hose thing might work, especially in the department of neighbor conversation, but then I’d have to go in and change out of the soggy clothes, so regardless of what route I take, I end up wet and naked for a brief period of time. May as well just hop back in the shower.
Ashley: Five-year old graduate students are rare, at least in The Humanities. You should be proud!
‘mouse: Indeed. One can almost see the news flash: ‘A man was charged yesterday with indecent exposure after being caught vigorously thinking about science in the periodical section of the public library’. I could also start telling people that I spend so much time everyday thinking about science that I go home at night exhausted, dehydrated, and a little sore. The possibilities are endless!
Alli: Yes. Yes, ‘mouse is so clever.
Shari: God, it’s like improv night here in the comments section.
shady180: I always liked Gordon Lightfoot. He found a way to work ‘Lake Gitchigumi’ into a song lyric and I really respect that. I’d have no problem belting out his songs while enthusiastically thinking about science.
In the summer, I’m often the woman walking around with one shaved leg for the very reasons you have described. It’s an unfortunate blend of hiccuped auto-pilot and thoughts of science, I suppose.
I’ve been reduced to chanting to myself in the shower:
shampoo, conditioner, face soap, soap, shampoo, conditioner, face soap, soap, shampoo, conditioner, face soap, soap, shave the pits…
It runs on an endless loop beneath whatever else is floating through my head until I step out. But even then I’ve been known to find that I didn’t rinse the soap.
I will say that my bay mates appreciate that I take the time to step back in the shower, but it cuts into my alone time with diet coke.