It’s rare that I actually go to a theater to see a movie anymore, but this weekend I was talked into making the trek to a local House of Sticky Floors to see something against my better judgment. I saw ‘Wanted’, the latest Angelina Jolie flick (her character’s name is Fox; it’s because she’s foxy). Morgan Freeman was there, too. It’s not my intention to turn my little corner of
hell the internet into a repository for movie reviews, but if I can help people make informed decisions about what they do with their time, life being of short duration and a precious commodity, maybe I can rack me up some good karma. So, a couple things about this movie…..
Prior to the moving-pictures portion of this flick, viewers are offered the following introduction to the story (paraphrased):
A league of assassin weavers. At this point, the only thing that could’ve enabled me to give the pending action the benefit of the doubt was if I’d misread the introduction and the movie was actually going to involve a league of assassin beavers. Sadly, no. Then about halfway through the story and following the main character’s assassin-training montage, the audience is introduced to the Loom of Fate, which poops out an expanse of woven thread from which is extracted (a Sweater of Destiny?!?! Sadly, again, no) the names of the unfortunate souls who are to be ‘whacked’. This is done by converting binary code from thread patterns into letters. At this point, I turned to the friend sitting next to me and whispered, “I hope you all die in a fire. Pass it down.”
Now, it’s not that I’m a movie snob. Not at all. Maybe a little. Whatever. It’s just…a league? Of assassin weavers?! Really?!?! I will admit to not being aware going in that ‘Wanted’ was based on a graphic novel, which does make a difference. For some unexplainable reason, I actually feel better about such a concept being the brainchild of a creator of graphic novels rather than some random dude sitting in an L.A. studio apartment creating something that gives Angelina Jolie a reason to flash some ass cleavage and Morgan Freeman license to use the word ‘motherf***er’ (it had gotten cut out of the script for ‘Driving Miss Daisy’).
In order to get the bad taste of horrible assassin movies out of my brain, I rented ‘In Bruges’ and watched it last night. Awesome. The movie had everything:
An Irish assassin insulting a ‘person of larger carriage’
Ralph Fiennes being surly
As a matter of fact, the only way the movie could’ve been improved upon would’ve been through the addition of assassin beavers. Or possibly adding this to the closing credits.
Sir @ June 30, 2008