She Deserved It
So I was walking down a hallway the other day and standing off to the side and just ahead of me were two ladies having a conversation about whatever it is that two ladies in a hospital hallway might discuss. I overheard one of them say the following:
“I’ve found out that there’s a 360-degree difference between blah blah blah and yakkity shmakkity.”
I didn’t hear the details involving the blah or the yakkity, but as soon as I heard the earlier part of that sentence, I ran over, pushed the speaker down, grabbed her cane (did I mention that one of them was cane-ridden? No? Well, one of them was), and started beating her with it and yelling, ‘IF ONE THING IS 360 DEGREES DIFFERENT THAN SOMETHING ELSE, THAT WOULD REQUIRE IT TO TRAVEL THE COMPLETE DISTANCE AROUND A SPHERE UNTIL IT FINALLY ARRIVES BACK WHERE IT STARTED AND WOULD, THEREFORE, BE WHATEVER IT WAS WHEN IT LEFT (ASSUMING THAT IT DIDN’T UNDERGO SOME SORT OF SPONTANEOUS BIOLOGICAL EVOLUTION OR THE DIVINE CLEAVING OF A FLIPPER, DEPENDING ON YOUR THEOLOGICAL LEANINGS), WHICH MEANS THAT IT’S NO MORE DIFFERENT NOW FROM THE OTHER THING ABOUT WHICH YOU PREVIOUSLY SPOKE BASED ON YOUR CLUMSY USE OF GEOMETRY, SO I THINK THAT WHAT YOU MEANT TO SAY WAS THAT THING 1 IS 180-DEGREES DIFFERENT FROM THING 2, WHICH WOULD IMPLY THAT THEY’RE COMPLETE OPPOSITES, MORE OR LESS!! STOP CRYING!!’
It’s possible that I over-reacted.
I was a little stressed out, though, so I think there’s some justification in my defending of the ‘Geometric Imperative’, assuming that such a thing exists.
Honestly, I’m not sure why these things bug me as much as they do. Perhaps it’s my unconscious hope that people might think about what they’re about to say before they unleash their vocal cords. Still, it’s not like such idiotic little trivialities matter. The other person in this conversation and the vast majority of the english-speaking world likely know what such a phrase is intended to mean, so what? Will security be breached because of such careless manipulation of non-Euclidean geometry? Does said breach mean that puppies will be hurled into traffic by angry clergymen and car salesmen will begin setting nuns and children on fire? Will the terrorists finally win? Well, sure. Maybe.
For the sake of argument, let’s assume that it means exactly those things. This would mean that such careless talk might justifiably label someone a mathematically-suspect unpatriotic terrorist lover who incites violence against society’s most vulnerable members. Debatably the worst kind of terrorist, I think. I feel that I’ve now justified my merciless whipping of the slightly lame older woman with her own cane. You may thank me at your leisure. I will now write a book.
This is kind of how I view American politics and also kind of how I explain American politics to foreigners.
Sir @ December 3, 2009
Oh, she SO did! Now, think what she’d deserve if she used “I could care less” to mean that she actually couldn’t possibly care any less, or maybe “irregardless”… Aaack.
this could be an example someone using circular reasoning coming into cultural conflict with a person who prefers hexagonal logic.
this might take a while to dissect, but i imagine there’s a ray of hope.
let’s talk over pie.
Sir, I have a new philosophy towards stupid people: I no longer get angry at them because they can’t help being stupid, so why waste the time and energy?
Meanwhile, I bought a button this weekend. Perhaps you would like it? I have posted it on my blog for your entertainment.
So if I’m to take anything out of this post, it’s that if I’m going to make a dumb comparison, I’d better say 180 degrees instead.
Over-reaction? I think not. Someone around here has to stand up for what he/she believes in and it may as well be you.
How ’bout…
YOU’re and YOUR
or
THEIR and THERE
or
slashing your wrists with a butter knife (cauze you can’t stand the sight of blood)?
OR people that say AX instead of ASK…
What’s that old saying about keep your mouth shut and let people assume you’re an idiot OR open your mouth and remove all doubt…?
As per irks the shit out of me. It’s as or per - as per is like a double negative.
Shari: All equally irksome, yes. I’m normally not that picky about such things, though they do register with the little gnome in my head that keeps track of random junk. It’s just that on this given day, it registered really hard, as apparently the gnome had a headache or his goiter was in bloom or some other such thing.
Brandon I don’t know how you look at yourself in the mirror after abusing puns with such reckless abandon.
Moshizzle: It’s a lovely button. I’ll bet if you go to a local college and wear it while strolling the halls of math or engineering departments, you’ll have to swat the geometrically inclined away with your Trapper Keeper.
Ashley: It wasn’t her comparison that was dumb. I don’t even recall what she was comparing to what. It was that she said they were 360-degrees different. She could’ve been comparing Michael Jordan to a unicorn for all I know.
Shady: Indeed. And if that means bludgeoning the infirm from time to time, then so be it.
Pooba~ Agreed on all counts. The ‘your’ thing is particularly grating for some reason.
Alli: I think most people who use ‘as per’ are trying to sound intelligent, as if they’re whipping out some Latin phrase and waving it in the faces of their listeners. This, of course, makes them twice as pathetic.
Oh, I can top ALL of your examples (yes, even yours, Alli).
The other day, I read this: “Our’s”
Excuse me, but what the ever-lovin’ MOSES is an apostrophe doing on the word “our”??? I’m sorry, but the rules of apostrophe use are NOT THAT FUCKING DIFFICULT. FAIL TO LEARN THEM AT YOUR OWN PERIL, DUMB PEOPLE.
Sheesh.
Amen.