How to Breed Hate, Goat-style!
Last night while walking the dogs, I saw this dude of East-Asian descent out for his nightly exercise, which consisted of plastering a very stern look on his face and walking briskly while swinging his arms in vertical 180-degree arcs. The sight held me in a trance and bothered the dogs enough to make them whine a little as he passed. So overcome with the sight was I that had he been so inclined, he could’ve liberated me of my wallet and shoes. Thankfully, he didn’t. This has nothing to do with anything that follows, it’s just that I’ve had the sight in my head for a really long time and felt the need to unleash it upon unsuspecting strangers. If you’ve never seen such a thing, feel free to count yourself unlucky and your life unfulfilled.
Now, on with the goats.
A couple weeks ago, I found my inner monologue constantly preoccupied with an endless replay of ‘The Lonely Goatherd’ of The Sound of Music fame. I don’t know how this happened and it really doesn’t matter. The important thing is that it happened and I was crippled with the memory of Julie Andrews and a bunch of Austrian adolescents yodeling and flinging marionettes hither and yon. I want to state up front that I have nothing against the movie, the actors and actresses in said movie, goatherds, lonely or otherwise, or nuns (not a big fan of Nazis, though). I actually like The Sound of Music, both figuratively and literally. I don’t, however, like its soundtrack on perpetual repeat in my noodle for days at a time.
So, I was seated and sort of staring off into the ether waiting for a chemical to react with another chemical when another dude in the lab asked what was wrong (apparently I had this slightly disgusted look on my face).
Me: I’ve got this song stuck in my head.
Curious George: What is it?
Me: The Lonely Goatherd from The Sound of Music.
CG: …
Me: …
CG: No shit.
Me: Yep.
CG: Huh.
About an hour later, he comes over and stares at me.
Me: What?
CG: God, I hate you so much.
By the end of the day, there were three people in the lab with that song stuck in their head. Entertainment erupted when we started imagining how various punk or death metal groups might cover the song. Sadly the best I could come up with was members of Black Flag hopping around the stage and manipulating marionettes that had been set on fire while Henry Rollins screamed the lyrics (including the falsetto ‘HEE-HOO’ parts following the ‘YODEL-LAY-DEE-YODEL-LAY-DEE’ parts). The landslide winner, however, was the band Cannibal Corpse. You can get a taste of their musical stylings here (The song is called Evisceration Plague (PLAGUE! LEADS TO DEAAAAAAAATH!!!!!)). Feel free to add it to the iPod prior to your holiday party shuffle. I’ll also highly recommend listening to a lounge version of their fun-filled tune Rancid Amputation.
Anyhow, I’ve had a lot of time to really dissect the song and that part of the movie and I have to ask: Is that not the most elaborate marionette stage you’ve ever seen? Owned by one guy and his family? I mean, seriously. There were separate stages adjacent to the main stage with people drinking beer (with real foam?!??!) and a band. A FUCKING OOM-PAH BAND WITH MOVING CHEEKS AND EYEBROWS!!!! You’re telling me that a nun and a bunch of vocally-talented Austrian rugrats could manage what must’ve been the most intricate choreography of wooden figurines in 1930s Europe? Bullshit. I don’t care if they did have God on their side, I don’t care how many mountains they’d climbed or how many good things Fraulein Maria did in her youth (or childhood), there’s no way that they could’ve pulled that show off without the help of midgets or gnomes underneath the stage manipulating some of the figures through the use of an intricate set of pulleys and levers.
And oh by the way, HEY GEORG!!! GET OFF YOUR ASS AND HELP YOUR YOUNGEST DAUGTHER PUSH THE PRINCE OUT ONTO THE STAGE!!!!
See? This is what happens when I get stuff stuck in my head. It’s not good.
Sir @ November 2, 2009
First? I love that one of the comments on that YouTube clip is from GayBuzz1, and all he has to say is ”
Finally,? ive been looking for this for ages.”
Secondly? God, I hate you so much.
as awful as the song is, it represents music from a simpler time when people weren’t so violent and aggressive and hateful and, oh yeah, right, the nazis.
goats and music do not mix, regardless.
So I read this post last night while I was sitting around reading some blogs, then I read some other stuff, and then I went to bed. That’s very interesting, I know. I thought I was fine, but as I was trying to fall asleep, I noticed that my brain was all “You know what’s a good song? ‘The Lonely Goatherd.’ Especially that super-yodely bit at the end.”
In short — are you keeping a list of people who hate you so much? Because you need to be sure to add me to that.
See – there are benefits to not always having participated in the mainstream US culture: I have no idea what this song sounds like. The only songs I know from that movie are “The Hills are Alive…” and “Do, Re, Mi…” oh, fuck. Now I’ve got that damned song stuck in my head. Doe, a deer, a female deer……
bastard.
Although this song is now stuck in my head too, at least it is being belted out by a rage-filled Rollins. As you are no doubt aware a rage-filled Rollins makes everything exponentially more awesome. So, thanks for that, at least.
Where is the love…? That’s my question… da Love???
You have people hating you, wanting to stab you with a goat horn… you are eating their brain with your song… repeat, rinse, repeat…
If love comes from the heart…. where does hate come from…?
Thunk on that one…
I like to sing that song in the bathroom while my son takes his bath. It’s all echoey in there and makes the yodeling even more spectacular! Actually, almost any song from that movie sounds better in the bathroom.
There’s a sad sort of clanging from the clock on the wall….
I have participated (as a nun… Sister Sophia) in no fewer than, let’s see, 19×3 = 57 stagings of that show, and watched another, let’s see… 19×4 = 76 stagings during the 4 summers that my kids participated as VonTrapps in the Leavenworth Summer Theater’s signature production of it.
No, really. If I never hear, see or think about that show ever again, it will still be much, much too soon. Why do you hate me? WHYEEEEEEEEEEE??????? Also, where’s my pie crust recipe? If you send it, I will forgive you this heinous act of cruelty and we’ll call it even. ;)
Angela: YouTube comments make each YouTube entry it’s own awesome little blog. I could spend hours on end just reading comments for random tube entries.
And I accept your hate.
Brandon: I hear that if you squeeze a goat just right, it’ll make this accordion-like sound that’s popular in Bavaria. Coincidence?!?!? I THINK NOT!!!
Jamelah: Welcome to the list. Also, the other night I was watching baseball and thought, ‘Oh crap! It’s November 2nd! NaBloPoMo!!’ So, I managed to screw that up nicely, but I notice that you’re currently ankle-deep in daily posting as a result of my mentioning that I was thinking about doing it again this year. So, um….sorry?
Bob: The methods of the earwig are subtle, yet effective. Also, indiscriminatory based on race and/or nationality.
Vahid: I find it comforting to imagine Hank singing any number of show tunes, actually.
Pooba~ Hate begins with the concept of planting catchy, but unwanted music in the heads of unsuspecting people. Therefore, hate is born in the evil parts of human nature and manifest itself in the distribution of show tunes.
MidLifeMama: Everyone is a great singer in bathrooms, usually involving a running shower and a removable shower head used as a mike. Songs by Journey are probably the most popular choice, but sure, every now and then one might feel the urge to start belting out musical fodder like ‘Surrey With the Fringe on Top’ or anything from Phantom of the Opera.
I mean, if that’s your thing.
Shari: I was going to wait and post it along with in-depth instructions and pictures and possibly a graph, but I’ll go ahead and send it to you immediately in the interest of fair play, seeing how I just planted the song in you noggin.
No NaBloPoMo?? I always look forward to November. Yo Ho Laidy-oh-da-lee-ho, Yo Ho Laidy-oh-da-lay, Yo Ho Laidy-oh-da-lee-ho, Laidy-oh-da-lee-ho-lay!!!! Poor lonely goatherd!
manifest itself in the distribution of show tunes? your wacky!
Do you wash your hands every time you use the bathroom?