Life is unremitting hard labor, but then comes a simple handful of blueberries, ripe and delicious, making everything worthwhile for the moment.
Drink arrogant bastard ale, it makes your face go numb!
I have very few material items which I’d protect with deadly force, but you can have my fancy stainless steel barbecue grill that’s directly connected to the 3/4-inch gas main when you pry it from my singed and blackened fingers.
Sir @ December 29, 2009 # 11 Comments
Just before Christmas, I decided to strike a blow for freedom and get DirecTV, thereby dropping my Stalinist cable company like a bad habit. Other people who had done this recalled their decision in ways that led to their softly weeping as they caressed their new dish and whispered sweet nothings into its concavity. [...]
Sir @ December 24, 2009 # One Comment
Wishing you and yours a merry Christmas filled with yule and wassail and unicorns being ridden by merciless cyborg law enforcement.
Happy holidays!
(Disturbing picture courtesy of C. Monks)
Sir @ December 23, 2009 # 6 Comments
Dear Satan Santa
I’m heading up to Ohio this year for Christmas. I have nothing against Ohio as a land mass, except for the fact that the landscape where I grew up looks like the place where dreams go to die. Other than that, I guess Ohio never poisoned anyone or set any nuns on fire [...]
Sir @ December 20, 2009 # 6 Comments
It’s a good thing that I’m emotionally dead inside, otherwise my trips to Detroit would depress me to no end. I return every year for my annual ’shrink rap’ and tell him that if I weren’t already in town for therapy, I’d sure as hell need it after having driven north from the airport. [...]
Sir @ December 11, 2009 # 7 Comments
When Eli gets really nervous, things come out of his butt in liquid form. Not often, mind you, but it does happen. And that morning, it had happened in the back of the car. I walked around and let them out, tied them to a nearby tree on the sidewalk, and then [...]
Sir @ December 10, 2009 # 4 Comments
I used to wonder at what point a person stopped being a pet owner and started being a pet parent. It seems that I crossed this threshold sometime prior to Thanksgiving because in the course of planning my drive to grandma’s house, I started to consider the relatively limited options available for the dogs. [...]
Sir @ December 3, 2009 # 10 Comments
So I was walking down a hallway the other day and standing off to the side and just ahead of me were two ladies having a conversation about whatever it is that two ladies in a hospital hallway might discuss. I overheard one of them say the following:
“I’ve found out that there’s [...]